As Autumn approaches – my favorite season – I am reminiscing on the lovely weather we can expect and how it is similar to my other favorite season, Springtime! Everyone LOVES Springtime, am I right? Texas’ short burst of *cold* weather has passed and it is time to start planning the Spring garden, hang out on the porch, admire the budding trees and flowers, and enjoy the company of our slithery friends, the SNAKES..wait, what? NO. NO NO NO.

I have a confession, y’all. I HATE SNAKES. I know, I know, there are very few that are venomous in our area, they are more afraid of me than I am of them, they keep the rodent populations down. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I have a completely irrational, yet very real and visceral fear of them. I have also learned anytime the words “Come look at this,” come out of Matt’s mouth and coincide with a five-gallon bucket with a lid on it that my answer is always “ABSOLUTELY NOT,” because he has caught a rat snake or garter snake and put it in the bucket to move to another location. I would say the snakes are probably my least favorite part of being in the country and I have yet to shake it. (Please understand that I respect them and their job in the scheme of things, but I don’t have to love something to respect it, right?)

We have had several instances of snake sightings on the homestead over the past (almost) two years. Once I saw a mockingbird acting like a fighter plane dive bombing in the yard. Lo and behold, it was chasing a four foot long rat snake away from its nest. This snake decided to take cover in our car port, where we learned that if you poke it with a broom to get it to move on that it will emit a disgusting odor, shake its tail like its scary, and proceed to hide under the hood of my car. **face palm**

Another time Matt sent me a photo of a rat snake being extra sneaky coiled up on the support beam of our front porch waiting for a chance to have a meal from a bird’s nest. UGH! Whenever we find them in the open or in places like this Matt will use the handy dandy “grabby stick” (totally the technical term for this device) to put them in a bucket and drive them down the road to an open field to let them go.

The problem is that they don’t just stay in the open, or focus on wild birds’ eggs. They raid my chicken coop! The first time we had a snake in the coop I found out because we had a dry spell in our egg production. There were zero eggs for several days. I noticed one of my barred rocks flat out refused to leave the nest box one afternoon, so I poked around in the neighboring box and saw the edge of a coiled up rat snake. Happily, Matt was home! I dashed into his shop shouting,  “A SNAKE!!! A SNAKE!!!” He scooped it out of the coop with a rake and killed it with a sharp shovel. (We do not like killing them, but once they seek out our eggs we sacrifice them to prevent them from coming back, I hate them, but I feel terrible about it.) Problem solved, right…?

Well, Matt isn’t always home. Sometimes I am home alone and do the chores and take care of things by myself because I am a fully competent adult (mostly). Usually these are the times random, stupid things happen (like outdoor water lines break or we have an ice dam in the roof that leaks through to drip all over a hallway) and I have to figure out what to do and clean up alone. Of course, it was on one of these lonesome days that I walked into the coop to find a snake staring at me, hovering over the fresh eggs as though I had rudely interrupted its meal. I about died. I may have even apologized as I slowly backed out of the coop’s door. I called Matt in a panic and he calmly instructed me to scoop it out with a rake (we hadn’t ordered the “grabby thingy” yet) and cut its head off with the same sharp shovel. Easy enough…except have I mentioned, I hate snakes? And I have a touch of anxiety?

Fighting the urge to just burn the coop down, I prepared for an epic war scene. I alternated sobbing with dry heaving as I reminded myself, “You can DO THIS! You are a warrior woman! Be like Lagertha!” (Lagertha is from the TV show “Vikings”, if you don’t watch – do it!) I am fairly certain our neighbors could hear me and thought I had lost my mind. This snake had prepped for battle as well – it climbed the walls of the coop rather than easily be scooped out the door, it struck at the shovel, it was an awful bloody battle (interspersed with me taking breaks to gag and cry – I’m not proud, folks), but I prevailed. I felt HORRIBLE for having killed this creature and sat on the ground ugly crying after it died, apologizing to the snake’s spirit and to the Earth for killing it. Of course this is when Matt FaceTimed me to see how it went. 😐 His words upon seeing me were, “Oh…Oh MY…” Yeah, I looked great.

Months went by without another snake sighting. Until Matt was at work again and I was checking the coop. This time I entered the coop to find blood spatters all over and a snake coming over the top of the nest box with its mouth open and around an egg. NOPE, not today snake! The hens must have thought the same and partially attacked it before fleeing the scene. I steeled myself with the “grabby thingy” and sharp shovel and promptly took care of things. I still teared up a little because I felt bad knowing this creature was just having dinner, but I wanted to protect my hens’ safe space and eggs, so I did what had to be done.

I am learning that sometimes hard decisions have to be made on the homestead and am working to overcome my fear of snakes by educating myself about them and knowing which ones are harmless/helpful and which need to be avoided. However, that does not mean they don’t still make me want to run screaming in the house (especially when I am outside for a 2 AM puppy potty break and it glides past in the dark grass – this happened. I grabbed the puppy and ran for it).

Do any of you have any snake adventures to share? Do you have a fear of any other creepy crawlies for no good reason?